Moving with kids?  Learn how to do it successfully.

As a globetrotter, you are off to a new adventure.  

Perhaps your husband got a new job position in another country or just to another location.  You are excited on one hand but are worried about how your kids will fit in?  Will they make new friends quickly and assimilate well?  Will there be gaps in education when changing school systems? 

Moving to a new country with kids is challenge for the most seasoned of expats.  It breaks your heart to see them say goodbye to their teachers, classmates, sports teams, etc.

 I can clearly remember how my then six-year-old daughter bawled her eyes out in the back seat of my car when we had to say goodbye to all her kindergarten chums in South Africa.   What I found so profoundly sad was seeing her crying hard while choking back the sound.  She didn’t want me to observe how heart-broken she was.  She had to be so brave.

Although kids can be resilient, they still have to adapt to the new rhythm of each move.  It is important that you prepare your children psychologically ahead of the move so that they can be in the best state of mind when they arrive in the new country.   

To get her up and running before the move, one of my clients and I worked on her getting her house in Switzerland rented out, researched new schools and sport organizations in Germany.  The family was able to look at the websites of the new schools and sports clubs to give the children a visual of what life looked like in their new environment.  This gave the kids time to mentally adjust to the move before even leaving their home country. 

Depending on the age of the child, the move will affect them in different ways.  Moving with babies and toddlers is the easiest for both kids and parents.  In most cities there are websites and magazines for new families with small children. It is much easier for the mothers to meet new friends from playgroups, toddler activities and kindergarten. I often found that I became friends with the moms of whom my kids invited over for play-dates.   

But what if your kids have already started school?  If possible, it is best to go to the new country in advance and have your children check out the schools first-hand.   In some cases you can already decide on which school your child is going to and have them meet the teacher and classmates. 

It is your job as a parent to reassure the child about learning a new language.  If you are moving to a country where you don’t speak the language, hire a tutor for the whole family and learn the new tongue together. 

That is what we did before moving back to Germany.  I remember my son’s excitement when he got a good grade on his German test just after a few weeks of arrival much to his new teacher’s surprise.  It was a challenge on many levels for sure, but we kept up with the language tutoring in the new country until we felt he was proficient, which was two years. 

Moving a teenager is a whole other ball game.  It is the hardest of ages to move since their friends have so much influence. Encourage your kids to spend lots of time with friends before the move and plan a farewell party.  Social media plays a big part in their lives at this stage.  Set up Internet connection as soon as you get settled. 

Once in the new country, I found it was important that my daughter continue with her favorite sport, cheerleading.  Continuality in sports and activities seems to smooth over some of the rocky waves of the transition.  It is also important to keep her self-esteem up.  Hiring a tutoring and providing emotional support seemed to help.

Are you transitioning to a new country or new environment?  If you’d like to speak about your concerns, just fill out the comment form and hit “send”.  I’d be glad to have a 30-minute chat about it.

No matter where you live in the world, if you participate in the country’s traditions you will feel a stronger connection to its people and customs.  A benefit of living overseas is learning about the cultural history of your host country.  Germany is steeped in rich traditions dating back to pre-Christian days.  The story of the Easter bunny stems from the Teutonic pagan festival of Ostara, the goddess of spring whose name is also known as Eostre.  According to legend, she once saved a bird whose wings had frozen during the winter by turning it into a rabbit.  Since it was once a bird, it could lay eggs. 

The bunny as a symbol of Easter started around the 16th century Germany.  As the Germans migrated to other lands, they brought many of their traditions with them.  The idea of colored eggs as the symbol of fertility has been around for thousands of years and has been found in different cultures around the world.  As Christianity took over Europe, many of the pagan traditions were molded into Christian themes of birth, death and resurrection. 

Another German tradition is to decorate branches of trees and bushes with eggs although its origins have been lost.  As an American married to a German, I adopted this tradition as one of my own. On our journey as an expat family we also brought this colorful egg tree tradition with us to other lands much to the delight and curiosity to our neighbors.  One family turned this into a project.  The Kraft family who live in Saalfeld, Germany started in 1965 to continuously collect and hang eggs in their garden.  To date, they have over 9,000 colorful plastic eggs hanging on the tree (see photo).

Some people especially in the northern parts of Germany light big bonfires late into the evening on the Saturday before Easter Sunday.  It has its roots in symbolizing the return of life and growth in the spring and was a useful way of ridding of old plant material.  The Easter fire is a popular community event here in Braunschweig.  Every year we meet our neighbors and friends near a farm where the annual bonfire takes place to drink beer, eat bratwurst or bake stockbrot, bread dough on a stick put into a fire to bake. 

It is these events that tie me to my adoptive new home and give new meaning to traditions.  If you gave any special tradition or way of celebrating Easter, I’ d love to hear about it. Please email me at prhoff2@gmail.com.

As a life long expat and professional life coach, my goal is to help people overcome obstacles when they move overseas.  Moving can be traumatic for some people whether they move 100 miles away from home or 10,000.  Obviously moving to a foreign country has far more effects on a family or person than just moving to a new neighborhood or a new city in the same country.

 I want to give you some tips about how to think and ponder about yourself since you’ve moved.

The best book I know about overseas living and expat life is by Debra R. Bryson and Charise M. Hoge: A Portable Identity: A Woman’s Guide to Maintaining a Sense of Self While Moving Overseas.  .

Let’s start with the definition of identity.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes it as “the qualities, beliefs, etc. that make a particular person or group different from others”.   Bryson and Hoge ask four questions that help you identity your own personal self-image what they call the “internal view of self”.

For example they ask: “How do you view yourself?”  Here you would even include how others would describe you.  Are you nice, likeable, tall, short, easygoing, shy tenacious?  Try listing as many as fifty words to describe yourself. Be honest.
“What are your beliefs?” is the second question..  This includes religious, political, national, personal. For example are you a god-fearing Protestant who believes in the right to personal freedom and expression, supports your country’s constitution, and wants equality for all.

“What are your values” is the third question.  As a life coach, I love this question.  It is what I really try to get my clients to find in themselves. Examples are values such as family, honesty, freedom and humor.  Try to write a list of 20.  If you have a hard time thinking of them, ask yourself what do I admire in other people?  You often mirror in yourself what you admire in others.  What qualities don’t you like in other people?  Arrogance, self-centeredness, laziness?  Then ask yourself what is the opposite of those qualities?  Kindness, generosity, hard work?   You can find the values you honor by acknowledging what you don’t like.

The last two questions are “What are your attitudes and your likes and dislikes towards life?”  Are you open, not open, positive or negative?  What is your attitude towards other cultures, people, education?   What do you like to do?  Are you a city person or country gal?  Do you have a routine?  Are you sporty?  How do you spend your vacations?  What is your culture’s view of gender?  Do you believe in women’s rights?  How do you view your body image?

Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself.  I am interested in your feedback.  Please send me an email with your comments. 

When I lived in the US, I occasionally watched the Dr. Phil show.  I like his no nonsense, get real and ask the hard questions to life advice he gave his seemingly clueless guests. Often I found his show to sensationalized for my senses.  Of course it is all about ratings: The more outrageous the guests were, the higher the shock value and up went the ratings.  Yet he always had sage advice for the masses, which I found appealing.

As I was browsing the Internet I came across an article by Dr. Phil, which talks about the habits of successful people.  Dr. Phil states that all successful people have a “20/20 vision” of exactly how “their ultimate achievement would look and feel”.   They had a clear vision of what they had to do in order to achieve success.  The plan may not have gone exactly as intended but they never gave up, keeping their eye on the end result.  They had clear details of what the success looked like and were committed to the action plan
 
This immediately caught my attention.  As a life coach, to move people down the road of destiny I try to get them to make a visual road map for their life.  What does success look like?  What would success feel like? These would be typical questions.  It is working out visualization and writing it down, sort of like a movie treatment.  Of course you first need to start with a goal in mind.  What do you really want?  How will you go about getting it?  Then ask yourself what steps you have to take.

I can clearly remember when I entered college that in the end I gain a master’s degree.  I had no idea what I would study but I had a strong drive to be the first person in my family to obtain a master’s degree.  I had my eye set on the end goal.  It seemed overwhelming on many levels: how would I pay for it?  What will I study?  These were the first questions I asked myself then I started taking baby steps.  Four years later, I completed my communications degree then took time off to travel and live in Paris.  Living overseas was a deep-seated goal that I never expressed to the outside world.  After two years of living in Europe, I headed back to Sacramento, CA to get a master’s degree in TESOL.  The goal was to be able to travel the world and support myself as an English teacher.  

There were bumps along the way yet all goals completed, including marriage and raising a family as a globe trotting spouse. New goal for me: to support myself as a life coach.  At this point it feels scary as I am still in my certification process.  I know to trust my instinct and trust in the process that it will all work out in the end. One step at a time. 

Do you have a movie treatment for your life?  What is it?  I’d love to hear about it.  Send me an email at prhoff2@gmail.com.

Christmas is here and I got to tell you about my favorite thing in Germany: the Weihnachtsmarkt.  In English, it is known as the Christmas Market.  Just about every city, town or village in Germany boasts of having a lovely Christmas market.  All are cozy, inviting and full of treats.  There is something magical about the Weihnachtsmarkt: it brings about a sense of joy, excitement.  It carries you back into a more gentle time before the hustle and bustle of shopping malls and Christmas madness.

The markets consist of small wooden stalls or huts decorated with sparkling Christmas lights situated in the center of town, usually in an older district surrounded by antiqued, timbered buildings and/or near a grand cathedral.   Each stand sales a variety of goods from spices, pottery, specialized handmade and manufactured Christmas decorations, candles and soaps, toys, hats and scarves, wooden products, Christmas cards, etc.  There are also carousels, Ferris wheels and other kiddie rides for the young at heart

For me, I particularly enjoy the food.  I can smell the schmaltz kuchen a mile away.  Try as I might, the sweet aroma stirs a comforting feeling that I got to eat some right then and there!  My kids and I have a list of the foodstuff we indulge ourselves in: schmaltz kuchen (triangle dough deep fried and coated with powered sugar), crêpes with sweet or savory filling, simmering mushrooms topic with a garlic sauce, fried potatoes, a variety of bratwurst, soups, roasted chestnuts, roasted candied almonds, just to name a few and of course, the famous Gluhwien, a hot, spicy mulled wine.  No dieting allowed at the Weihnachtsmarkt.  The glory of eating guilt free. 

For the adults the Gluhwein stands are the most popular.  The colder it is outside the more a hot mulled wine warms the senses.  There are also non-alcoholic punches but the most popular are the hot drinks with an added “schuss”—a shot of a favorite spirit.  Groups of friends gather at the market for a night of jollying and celebrating the Christmas season.  Everyone is welcomed.  

The Weihnachtsmarkt is definitely a national treasure.  If you every plan a trip to Germany, consider coming at Christmastime so you can experience the wonderful joy of Weihnachtsmarkt first hand  It is well worth it.  Merry Christmas.

Thanksgiving
I love Thanksgiving.  It is the only holiday that is celebrated without religious fanfare.  Yes, the first Thanksgiving, the Christian Pilgrims gave thanks to God for their survival in their bleak new homeland.  And, yes, some people go to church religiously on Thanksgiving. However, it has evolved into a traditional American holiday everyone can celebrate including expats living in the US, tourists, foreign students, visitors, US families living abroad, such as mine, and for people who just like the idea of a Thanksgiving feast.

The main point of Thanksgiving is to be grateful for what you have right now.  It is a time to reflex on your blessings no matter how big or small.  A time to look around and say thank you to God, the universe, your friends, family, and all your loved ones. 

My family and I have celebrated Thanksgiving, turkey, stuffing and all, in five different countries.  We have a tradition that every guest must state what he or she is thankful for but it cannot be friends, family, and health, which I find is what most people say as the easy way out. I am astonished at how hard it is for people to dig just a bit deeper into the soul.  I don’t give anyone a free pass on this.  And I do give plenty advance warning so they can prepare.

This year given the racial violence that is erupting in Ferguson, MO, USA and in the Middle East, I gave thanks that we live in a peaceful country.  No war, no violence, no outrageous school shootings, here in Germany.  Yet everyday I give thanks to God for all the little things as well as the big things in life: firewood, Christmas lights, four seasons, a reliable car, flowers, toilets that flush properly (huh???), walking paths, fresh bread, chocolate, just to name a few.  A client told me that this year she is very grateful for her washing machine, the pumps, the water, the sun, the rain, and the clean clothes. 

Gratitude is what brings happiness in life.  I challenge you to think of what you are grateful at this moment.  Dig just a little deeper.  Look around the room and think of one thing you are thankful for.  Is it the computer, printer, a cozy bed to read in, flannel sheets?  Just appreciating these things can bring more joy into your life.  

Sometimes making a monumental decision can feel like overwhelming task.  You might even think it is easier to move a mountain than to come up with a right answer. Motivational speaker Iyanla Vanzant has a method to help you get through the decision making process.  She says there are four powerful ways to break through the indecisiveness.

Name the Fears:  What are you really afraid of?  What is the worst thing that could happen?  And if something bad happens then what?  How could you manage it?  Basically you need to write down the fear and identify the possible outcomes and work out the worse case scenarios.  Vanzant states “if you simply identify the fear, figure out a way to deal with it if it should come true—you remove its power to control your decision making.”

Forget the “Shoulds”:  Stop trying to worry about what other people think you “should” do and focus your attention on what you need to do.  Once you concentrate on what needs to be done, your ideas and judgment becomes clearer.

If possible, Wait it out:  If you can, try to wait another day or two before making a big decision.  Sometimes time (and a good night’s rest) can help you get a better hold of the facts.

Avoid Analysis Paralysis:  Sometimes over thinking a decision is the main cause of indecision.  If that is the case, a simple solution to help you figure it out is to write down the pros and cons down on a piece of paper.  Seeing the pros and cons in black and white helps clarify the facts and get you crystal clear on your answer.

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This is a picture of me and my German husband, Joerg, at a VW Christmas party 2012 in Herndon, VA.  During this time I was living in the Washington DC area and working as a Destination Consultant.